Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
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FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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