A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
are you so shy because you have an std?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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