I just made out with a guy for $7.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
