do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
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I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
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If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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