so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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