literally had 100 drinks last night.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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