saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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