Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Two words: blizzard sex
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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