I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
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