whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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