Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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