She's JV to your varsity
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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