No awkward lesbian experiences without me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
