Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
