I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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