You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
