why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
