WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Did I show you my penis last night?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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