We're facebook friends in real life
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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