I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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