so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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