He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
