Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
