Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
