$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
