Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
