I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
