my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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