I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize