My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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