I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
