is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
