Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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