he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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