I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
