remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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