____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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