he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
