I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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