I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
