In America we eat man semen.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
