if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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