Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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