u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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