Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
