my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
