Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You ate ashes out of my bong
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
