No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
