1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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