this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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