Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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