Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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