Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky š
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Iām gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a ābrilliantā idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
