Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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