Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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