I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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