i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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