I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
