Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
