Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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