I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
