hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
