I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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