I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
