My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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