She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She even gives head with a lisp.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
