This girl is more easily done than said...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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