you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
