the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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