Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
