don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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