You're so nebulous sometimes
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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