Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
