Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
